I have been blessed with the opportunity to be a parent to what amounts to 3 generations at the same time in our home. My wife and I are the proud parents of 4 children, a son 27, a son 25, a daughter 23 and a son 14. In addition to this, my Mother-in-Law, who is 93 lives with us...now we don't 'parent' her but we are responsible for her health and welfare. My oldest son is engaged and moved out 2 years ago, my next eldest is getting married this summer and will be moving out and my daughter has expressed an interest in moving out this year.
I say that I am blessed as for most of the 8 years that my mother-in-law has lived with us, we have sat down as a family to eat, share stories and rejuvenate the soul. It is quite a sight...7 of us and often the 2 fiances, making it 9, sitting down to eat. The stories range from weddings, completing post-graduate studies, and going to job interviews for the older kids, to making a sports team or first girl friends for the youngest to knitting that grandma did or what she worked on in her painting class at the seniors centre. In variably my wife and I get a chance to talk, but mostly it is a great time to listen. Humans have this unbelievable need to communicate. We have Facebook, Twitter, BBM, chat rooms etc. etc. etc...but the most important communication place...the dinner table. The dinner table isn't always easy, sometimes you are eating late as a result of schedules, sometimes a little early as a result of schedules, often 1 or 2 people join late, as a result of schedules. But, in the end we all end up there, stiing and talking. For the youngest it has meant that he has had to grow up faster than his years if he wanted to be involved in what was going on a the dinner table. He once asked his Kindegarten teacher, when she was looking through her cd library for some afternoon nap-time music to play if she had "any AC/DC in there"! There was no baby talk at the table for him. He took up reading the newspaper in the morning so that he could be engaged in the conversations. But while he was growing up, his issues were pretty small when compared to the older kids. Parenting little kids...way easier and less dramatic than raising adult children...little kids- keep them safe, help them with homework that you understand, teach them right right from wrong and help them build friendships...big kids- drugs, alchohol, sex, homework that is way above your knowledge base and money...now the youngest is a teenager and we are back into the teenage issues again. I'm hoping we have some experience built up from the first 3. The uniqueness of the age gap though often lead to some our greatest memories. I recall one evening when our oldest was 16 and on the way home from a pre-season Jr B hockey game. He had just made the team and leans into the front seat of the van to inform my wife and I that he had a Rookie Party coming up on the weekend. Well my thought that was wonderful...to which I said to her...it's a Rookie party, to which she said again yes and that was great...I again said, a little more emfatically, IT'S A ROOKIE PARTY...she got it. So we spent the next 30 minutes coaching our 16 year old how to handle the alchohol that was in all likelyhood to be a part of the party. When we got home the youngest, 3 at the time was up in the family watching television...he had a fever, wasn't feeling great and very worried about what happened to Fozzie Bear on the Muppet movie that he was watching...we had to jump a very large chasm that evening!!!
For the past 8 years we have had my wife's mom living with us. She is the mother of 7 children, grandmother to 21 and great grandmother to 28!! While she requires more of our time as she gets older, the experience of having her with us has been wonderful. She has been a confidant for the big kids when they were teenagers, and someone who made lunch for the youngest each day as he came home from school. She goes to bed each evening early so that she has an hour to say the Rosary and pray for all of us...it is a comforting thought. She has been an inspiration to us as she has remained active by taking painting classes, working around our home, baking, going to fitness classes, coming to hockey and baseball games and most importantly feeling wanted. Her dinner table stories are often legendary. She will often tell us about the fact that her first mortgage payment was $17.00/month or that the price of bread was 5cents and that milk came from the cow next door and the vegetables for the family grew out in the backyard. I recall when I took her to get a Satellite dish from Bell Canada so that she could watch television, she was asked by the associate in the store if she was a Bell customer and if so, how long. My mother-in-law proceeded to proudly proclaim that she had been associated with Bell Canada as a customer for 71yrs!!! When she was 14 she signed her family up for telephone service with Bell Canada and it was in her name. It was hard for me to fathom being a customer of the same business for 71 consecutive years!! She has recently learned how to use the computer but still thinks the greatest invention in her life time was indoor plumbing... a unique perspective.
The skill required in all of the above cases, communication...the individual components of communication are listening, thinking and articulating. The most important of these is listening. Remember, we were given 2 ears and 1 mouth...we should use them in that ratio when we are communicating. Think before you answer your kids...be articulate and set an example for them that they will benefit from for the rest of their lives.
